If you've ever walked away from an argument feeling more disconnected than when you started, you're not alone. Most of us never learned how to communicate effectively during conflict; we simply absorbed patterns from the relationships around us, for better or worse.

Renowned relationship researcher Dr John Gottman spent decades studying what makes relationships thrive and what causes them to fall apart. He discovered four communication patterns that consistently showed up in couples heading toward disconnection. He called them the "Four Horsemen": Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.

Here's the thing: we all fall into these patterns sometimes, especially when we're stressed, hurt, or feeling unheard. But when one or more becomes your go-to response during difficult conversations, it can slowly erode the connection you're trying to protect.

This quiz will help you recognise which patterns show up most often in your relationship. There's no judgement here, just honest reflection. Understanding how you communicate when things get tough is the first step toward creating the kind of relationship where both of you feel genuinely heard, valued, and close.

Think about how you typically respond during conflicts or difficult conversations. Rate each statement according to how often it happens.

Be honest with yourself. This is for your own insight and growth.